Church retreat

Awesome retreat, even though I was only able to make 1/2 of it. Great sharing, convicting & inspiring messages from Pastor Tom but the highlight was this: The song Surrender.

I can honestly say that I've heard this song over 50+ times at service, fellowships, praise & worship nights - but it has never meant so much to me until today:

Surrender -

I'm giving You my heart, all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life*

And I surrender all to You, all to You
And I surrender all to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
All the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

And I surrender it all to you, all to You

The reward for keeping a journal...

"Here's something that I digged up while scrolling my journal... Totally forget the source... EmailMinistry? A website? A friend? But wow this hits home right about now...

I've learned- that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned- that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you are to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned- that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned- that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned- that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change."

he's a sneaky one

As I was chilling last night after dinner, right before picking up The Transforming Power of Prayer book that I got from Paul, I stumbled upon my friend's fb page. It was his birthday yesterday and to me, he received the warmest birthday wish a father can possibly give to his son.

At that very moment, I felt this sadness - because I thought (and agreed to the fact that) I will never receive that kind of affirmation. So I decided to drop everything, (including my plan to read and organize myself after a busy weekend) hop into my bed and feel bad about myself.

After a few minutes, I called up a friend just to catch up - and I end up not saying anything for a very long time. Still feeling hurt -I kept quiet, thinking it would be better that way. After exchanging a few comments here, brushing off some of her comments there - I started to feel bad for being so quiet and dry and from there, other agreements about myself creep up. I tell you, this whole thing is an endless cycle. Although my personality plays a big part, I believe he is also responsible for this.

Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8

From a message full of love, he can twist it into a lie that got to me. And from there, after puncturing a small whole, he breaks through with a whole bunch of other lies. What a sneaky one.

It's already Tuesday afternoon and I am still suffering from the consequences of the events last night. Feeling heavy and burdened. And also, I'm on bad terms with my friend. I truly hope we can make up soon. What a struggle. Sigh.